Awkward Feelings...

November 2013

Waiting...

Waiting until February to send in our application and meet with Sunrise. Probably the hardest feeling right now. I just want to jump on a plane and get it all started. This could all take upwards of 2-3 or even 4 years. When I think of that as a whole, it feels like an eternity. Then I am reminded that time does fly. When I look at my boys... time goes by all too fast.
It is an awkward feeling. Wanting time to pass quickly so we can be complete, but in the same breath not. I want my babies to be babies forever.
What a confusing feeling in my heart.

We have just returned from Disneyland. Our first trip there with the boys & grandma (what a help... we couldn't have done it without her). How wonderful it was to see the amazement and wonder in the their eyes. Yet also feeling a sad heart that there is a child of ours missing out.

I wonder if our child has been born yet? I wonder who his/her parents are? I wonder if they know we are waiting to love their child as much as they would?

We have had some good discussions lately about the program we are going to choose. We've also had some wonderful insight from other Nelson area locals who have or are going through the process. We were leaning towards SA (South Africa) with MOT (Mission of Tears) and SR (Sunrise). We have since changed our minds. The cost of SA is significantly more and having to use two agencies (one out of province and one in province) will tack on a big chunk more. MOT is located in Ontario, thus having to also work with SR who is out of Vancouver. So, back to the computer... more research to do!

I have chatted with a lovely lady who has so graciously helped me with wonderful information on another program, which I think will be our route to go! Thank you!! It is a good program and very ethical. Though the downside is a very poor bonding period and a long wait for a referral. Regardless about bonding period, we will stay in country for as long as week can, approx. 2-3 weeks is the plan.

I have searched air costs to get a rough idea of what we're looking at... YIKES! but still worth it! We have googled accommodations, maps of the area and activities that might be fun to get a feel of the culture there. I hope to bring back as much of his/her culture that I can. Some cooking classes would be a cool idea... something else to look into. We will fly together (Kyle and I) when the time comes. After our court date Kyle will fly home to the boys and I will stay with babe in Lesotho for the duration of our trip.

I also want to say thanks to Jolene, she has been a world of wisdom for me the past month or two as I have annoyed her with every question I've come up with. Thank you!!